Don’t Forget Pain in Life
About 20 years ago, I was diagnosed with an eye disease called scleritis. It means the white part of my eye was inflamed. I saw over 27 doctors, took lots of medications, and even went to Barnes Eye Institute in St. Louis over a four-year period. Eventually, I had a partly detached retina. (You can go over and click the “Holy Crap Book” link for more info or to order the book).
This period of disease and destruction was very hard for my wife and me. We ended up in deep debt and nearly lost our house twice because we couldn’t keep up with the bills on top of my wife needing to work four jobs just to make it. It was emotionally, physically, and financially exhausting for both of us.
During that time, I realized I had been prideful and had judged others unfairly. Being a pastor had helped me talk to people about God, but I didn’t really know Him for myself. I thought talking about God was the same as having a personal relationship with Jesus—but it wasn’t.
Needless to say, it was a very painful and difficult chapter in my life.
Now, you would think that I would like to forget that time and go to years of counseling to try and forget that time in my life, but you would be wrong. In fact, I always take time during the year and reflect back on the depths of pain, sorrow, anger, and distress that I felt. When at one point, I was essentially going blind in both eyes from the medication I was on and would tell Yolanda that all my life was about at that time was, “ills pills and bills”. You would think that being on the other side of this time in my life, that I would give all of that time and those events to God so that I could move on. But I don’t think that is healthy in the life of any follower of Christ.
In Deuteronomy 6:12-14 it says;
12 be careful not to forget the LORD, who rescued you from slavery in the land of Egypt.
13 You must fear the LORD your God and serve him. When you take an oath, you must use only his name.
14 “You must not worship any of the gods of neighboring nations,
These verses are instructions from Moses speaking to the new generation of Israelites to make sure and not forget where former generations came from. Moses knew that the passion and focus needed to move forward with a relationship with God is also about being thankful for what God has brought our out of.
Even in culture, the thought can be that it is important to erase the sins and errors of the past but that is not good culturally nor is it any good spiritually. I can think back on the time where I almost lost my eye and can think of the good things God did but I also recollect the times that I make mistakes and was so fiercely mad at God that I would have terrible conversations about how angry I was at Him. And yet, he never left me through all my life and complaining. I always say this about my situation; even when I feel like I let go of God in my thoughts that He never let go of me. I always grew up with the thought that if I would even whisper a complaint or thoughts of ill towards God that my salvation would be in jeopardy but I can now say, that from my personal struggles that God was patiently waiting for me to finish throwing my tantrum, bring correction, and get me back on the right path towards Him.
Maybe today, you are in that place where you have forgotten the goodness of God. Maybe you need a reminder of not how far you “still have to go” but looking back at where God has brought you from. Be encouraged to see that God was in your process and not trying to push you past your limits.